some asshole: you can’t just say everything is gay because-
me, pointing to a big lobster I’ve just seen scuttle under a big rock: lesbian
same asshole: actually animals don’t have a concept of-
me, gently holding the lobster claw: wife
still the same asshole, trembling in fear: why does your beautiful lobster wife have a hammer
my beautiful lobster wife: *kills him*
me: oh fuck I need to pay rent
my beautiful lobster wife, who has doubled in size from how much I love her: *eats my landlord*
me: honey, you shouldn’t have!! this is the best anniversary present in the world, I love you so much!!
my beautiful lobster wife, driving the down with cis bus at 80mph: [lets out a terrifying series of affectionate shrieks]
Published
Gay Ryan 