One thing I think is useful to conceptualize when thinking about the severity of depression is figuring out what counts as a ‘task’ to your brain
for example, healthy people outlining the tasks they need to do that day might be something like
– class – work – homework
if a healthy person is having a low energy day, maybe it becomes
– make breakfast – go to class – class – go to work – work – come home from work – work on an essay – do 2 readings
a depressed person, on a high energy day will probably see that same day as
– make breakfast – eat breakfast – take meds – shower – get dressed – walk to bus – take bus … etc
a depressed person, on a low energy day will see that same day as
– wake up – get out of bed – walk to bathroom – use bathroom – stand back up – walk to kitchen – open fridge – take out juice – set on counter – go to cabinet – reach up arm – take down glass – unscrew lid of juice carton – pour juice – drink the juice – finish the juice …etc
the sort of chronic exhaustion manifests in how each ‘task’ takes a certain amount of energy and when you have depression, what begins to take that amount of energy- and thus, cognitively count as a ‘task’- are smaller and smaller subdivisions of what other people consider tasks.
And the more ‘tasks’ you do, the less energy you have, and the smaller the subdivisions must be to take equivalent amounts of energy. And the longer that “to do” list of tasks is, the more exhausting and overwhelming and hopeless it feels, which creates a feedback loop of dysfunction.
So say our depressed person on a low energy day gets all the way to finishing their glass of juice. They’ve actually gotten through a lot of tasks! They’ve tried really hard.
But to a healthy person, even on a low energy day, that probably looks like not having done anything- not having gotten through any tasks. And when our depressed person is surrounded by healthy people, they will likely internalize that they haven’t done anything, and further that they can’t complete any tasks no matter how hard they try. And that feeds worthlessness and suicidal ideation
That, I think, is why it’s so important to encourage your depressed and chronically low-energy friends when they accomplish tasks, even if they’re operating at a level of subdivision that you don’t recognize. It is an accomplishment to get water and actually drink it for some folks. It is an accomplishment to get to class or to work.
And acknowledging how hard someone is trying and how much energy they’re putting towards accomplishing those tasks can make a huge difference in whether they feel worthless and hopeless or whether they feel like it’s worth it to keep doing what they can.
As a trans guy who’s been working out for a few years now and has learned a lot about their body and building muscle and whatnot in the process, here’s something I don’t see mentioned, like ever.
I rarely see male body positivity posts in general but I’ve never seen this mentioned, and honestly? Call me stupid for it if you want, but I genuinely thought that super defined look was something that was achievable in a relaxed state, simply because I’ve never seen anything to the contrary.
As someone with body dysmorphia as well as dysphoria, you can imagine the damaging effects that might have had on my mental health trying by to achieve the impossible. I can only imagine how many other masculine folk out there could be struggling with the exact same thing.
Anyway like, this is mostly to point out for masculine folks that might be pushing themselves too hard, that you’re probably doing better than you realise.
Anecdotal stuff aside, this is an important thing for artists to remember as well! This is something I never realised despite being an artist that goes to figure drawing classes on the regular and having modelled for them myself- because of course people with abs are flexing for the poses! I was doing it too!
we should start telling trans boys and trans men that it’s okay and valid to be feminine. your femininity doesn’t make you less of a boy. your femininity doesn’t mean you’re “faking” your gender. you’re a real boy, a real man. good day ✨💘
god theres all these strategies out there for combating executive dysfunction but what i really want is for people to acknowledge that no, sometimes you just cant beat it and you need to rest and try again later or get someone else to do it for you.
i feel like such a failure when i give up. i need to know its ok and its not my fault my brain doesnt let me do things most of the time, its not me being too weak to fight back.
This is super important, because you can have ALL the tips and tricks, but somedays your brain is more powerful. That’s ok. There will be days where you just can not fight it. Days were every chain breaks and you just can not hold on.
On those days wrap yourself in a warm and comfy blanket and watch Netflix.
It’s the loose the battle to win the war idea. The important day is to get up the next day and try again. It’s a lifelong war and there are days where you just loose a battle.
Gay Ryan 